As the kids headed back to school last week, I found myself fast-forwarding a decade to a time when my girls were off to university or tree planting or some trek across far flung countries. I became giddy with excitement for the incredible adventures ahead for them.聽
The vision was spurred by a shoebox filled with photos from university, when my sister and I, still in our teens, took a side trip away from family to Munich and spent days exploring the city, taking in art and architecture, and learning important key phrases, such as 鈥淓ine Weisse, bitte,鈥� and 鈥渘辞肠丑尘补濒.鈥�
And then later that same day, I read a story online about millennials not leaving home鈥� ever. Thirty-somethings flopped on the couch, eating their parents out of house and home, gaming to their hearts content, and in no way contributing to the household. 聽
Apparently it鈥檚 an epidemic, and we have to ask ourselves: Why is this happening?
If you look back at your own youth, it鈥檚 probably not tough to conjure examples of 鈥渇ailure.鈥� Whether it was a test you didn鈥檛 pass, a team you didn鈥檛 make, a job you didn鈥檛 get 鈥� or better yet, one you got but were fired from 鈥� we can all think of times when we tried to do something and it didn鈥檛 quite turn out the way we hoped.聽
That failure, as painful as it was, served a purpose. You learned from it. It鈥檚 what gave you pause, made you take stock, and either pointed you in a different direction or gave you the resolve to try harder next time. It was just a part of life.聽
Parents today aren鈥檛 allowing their children to stumble, let alone fail.
If I was late for work at Pizza Hut, where I slung pizza and bottomless jugs of pop, my parents didn鈥檛 jump in the car to drive me and 鈥渟ave me鈥� from the consequences. I hoofed it down there as quickly as I could. I arrived sweaty and gasping for breath in my polyester uniform. (Let鈥檚 be honest, everyone was sweaty in that uniform; I hardly stood out. I trust that workers鈥� rights have improved since then.)
If I failed a test or got a poor mark on an essay, they didn鈥檛 book an appointment with the teacher to argue my case. Instead, they encouraged me to take that on.聽
Today, universities have staff dedicated to dealing with helicopter parents, the ones who show up for the entire first week of school prepared to camp on their son or daughter鈥檚 dorm floor if they can get away with it. Parents who call the dean and complain about marks. Parents who log into university online accounts and manage their adult child鈥檚 lives.聽
I鈥檓 guessing these are the same parents who are attending job interviews with their 20-somethings as well.聽
The remarkable thing is they aren鈥檛 uncommon. Employers will tell you that teenagers will come in with mom or dad looking for employment, that these well-intentioned parents will try to negotiate hours and pay for their child.聽
Their hearts are in the right place, but their heads are not.聽
Can you imagine never knowing the value of a hard-earned grade? Of a credit card bill that was paid entirely with your own money, month after month? The sense of competence that one develops over the years of being able to count on oneself in tough times? The satisfaction of knowing that if worse comes to worst, you鈥檒l still be able to make your rent 鈥� even if that means working an extra job and proving yourself reliable and resilient?
Why would any parent want to take that away from their child?
By taking away the sting of small failure, we eradicate the possibility of self-reliance, self-assurance and above all, independence.聽
And the pleasure of learning how to order your own beer 鈥� once you鈥檙e legally able, of course 鈥� in a foreign language, in a foreign country, with your own foreign currency. 聽
