Three years and two children ago, my then pregnant, pre-parent self assumed that 12 months at home with a little one would be more than enough. That I鈥檇 be eager to race back to my former working life and leave domesticity for dust.
So, as maternity leave wound down and the eldest turned one, I enrolled her in daycare, squeezed back into my work clothes and attempted to return to my job in the city.
For many reasons, it didn鈥檛 work out. I had changed. The job had changed.聽
I just wasn鈥檛 the right-sized cog for the workplace wheel anymore.
Instead, staying at home with the kids became the new normal.
As much as this new role was a better fit than the previous one, there have been many days when I鈥檝e been green with stay-at-home mummy-envy as we stand on the porch waving bye-bye to Daddy who鈥檚 leaving for 10 blissful hours of grown-up time in the city.
Skip ahead several years and, rather than count down the hours until Daddy returns, I鈥檓 now trying to slow down my limited time with the little ones while, at the same time, trying to make sense of my messy, return-to-work emotions.
The decision about whether to return or not, it seems, is a tender topic with more baggage than Santa鈥檚 sleigh on Christmas Eve and an emotional checklist that鈥檚 just as long.
It鈥檚 a decision that鈥檚 frequently (and often mistakenly) driven by time and money, explains Dawn Armstrong, life coach and founder of 鈥淟ive Your Great Big Life.鈥� Instead, she suggests, it ought to be a carefully considered, heart-centered decision.
To make sure your choice is the right one, she suggests holding an open and honest brainstorm with yourself, long before you are due to return to work.
鈥淐heck in on how you want your life to go. Have a look at what aligns with your family unit and what your heart wants鈥� and ask yourself how you want your job to fit into your life, and how you want your life to fit into your job.鈥�
Regardless of whether you choose to return to work or not, you will very likely experience a conflict of emotions, she explains.聽
鈥淲e get confused by guilt, shame and the right and wrong way to be a parent or employee.鈥澛�
For some, it feels right to stay at home. For others, it would feel wrong.聽
鈥淚t鈥檚 a lose-lose situation. You can lose if you stay at home and you can lose if you go to work,鈥� she says.
To allay these mixed emotions, she explains, first be comfortable knowing that the transition will take time and that conflict between your parent and employee self is inevitable.
鈥淏e aware that when this conflict of the mind arises, it is a golden moment; an indication that you have choice in how you want the situation to go 鈥� lose-lose or win-win.鈥�
Then 鈥渟pend time getting clear on what it is you need to be an awesome parent and what it is you need to become an awesome employee.鈥澛�
It could be having dinner with your kids every night, contributing to meetings or having lunch with your colleagues. Create a list of needs and make a commitment to honour it.
For those concerned about the stagnation of skills while being a stay-at-home parent, Dawn invites a switch in perspective:
鈥淓ven though you may not feel productive while at home, you have loved, fed and clothed your children while dealing with a bazillion distractions.
鈥淵ou鈥檙e a super-human parent and a time management wizard with the ability to be with emotions and unpredictability鈥� and the capacity to deal with whatever circumstance shows up.鈥�
Finally, she says, distinguish and own these skills because no one else will do this for you.聽
鈥淭hey have high value in the workplace on their own or alongside other accomplishments, which will add to the energy, positivity and confidence you bring to the interview space,鈥� she says. 聽
