Texting with a friend on the other side of the country recently gave way to an unexpected and surprising life lesson. 聽
By now we all know how to effectively 鈥渇akebook鈥� our lives to the masses. Via social media we share only our happiest moments, credit-drenched vacations and most artfully designed meals. We FaceTime or Skype with loved ones in strategic positions so as to not reveal the disaster a few feet away (yet are often foiled by the kids when they dash off with our phones, exposing every unsightly corner to the grandparents).聽
So when I was chatting with my pal in Toronto and he asked about the temperature I didn鈥檛 hesitate to snap a quick and pride-filled pic of our budding spring weather out the front window. It comes so naturally now, I only gave a fleeting thought to framing the shot so to reveal the top part of the couch (but not the laundry), the windows (but not the one with the messed up blinds) and a few house plants on the left (because the one on the right should have been composted months ago).聽
鈥淲ow,鈥� was how he began his response, assuming he was blown away by our sunny March weather, 鈥渋s your house ever clean.鈥�
Um. That鈥檚 not a common phrase uttered in reaction to seeing my home. Even my friend, a cleaner who I鈥檝e used off and on for several years, once commented that we Waldorf families tend to have a lot of 鈥渟tuff.鈥� George Carlin would call it something else.聽
I had to laugh. If I took one step back and moved to the right the picture would have been completely different. So I did, I snapped it and I sent it.聽
鈥淭his is what my house really looks like,鈥� I typed.聽
And thus we launched into a litany of what might be best referred to as 鈥渉ome disclosure photos.鈥澛�
My livingroom littered with stuffed animals from a performance piece a couple of nights before; his sink piled high with dishes (he鈥檚 a father of three, often home with the kids); my kitchen counter covered in bills and school papers and a rainbow of hair elastics; a counter-counter photo looking similarly disheveled.聽
We were both a bit giddy, I dare say, about the shocking and honest revelations.聽
Most of us would argue that technology has made connecting easier than ever. But has it? That all depends on the type of connection you are going for. Social media has certainly done its fair share of shaming, dividing, and basically making us feel pretty crappy on a fairly consistent basis: Our houses don鈥檛 measure up, our vacations don鈥檛 measure up, even our nights out at the pub don鈥檛 measure up.
Perhaps it鈥檚 time we stopped all the vanity sharing?
Later that week I had a fairly new friend pop by somewhat unexpectedly to pick up a book. The kids had just left for school and I鈥檇 just put the kettle on. It was whistling madly when I got to the door, so it seemed natural to invite her in for a cup of tea. I hesitated though.聽
With no warning I didn鈥檛 have time to do the 10,000-second-tidy that would be required to comfortably welcome this mom into our chaotic home. It felt uncomfortable and embarrassing.聽
And for that very reason I did it anyway. There鈥檚 no way that I was going to miss out on a good heartfelt connection with a clearly awesome human being because I had yet to move the breakfast dishes off the kitchen table.聽
And she was so thrilled. I even went so far as to say, 鈥淚鈥檓 intentionally not apologizing for the state of my house. I hope you won鈥檛 judge.鈥澛�
She laughed. I laughed. And suddenly I knew that the connections I long for don鈥檛 take place in magazine-staged living spaces. They take place in MY living space. Regardless of whether I鈥檝e tackled the dishes or put away the laundry.聽
Maybe this week I鈥檒l even be brave enough to post one of those photos on social media.聽
