鈥�滨听just need a break,鈥� my friend texted me. 鈥淚鈥檓 exhausted. I need a few days away to myself, or with pals. Just something different.鈥�
I could relate. I mean, what parent can鈥檛? Life piles up. We don鈥檛 have our own space 鈥� not in the kitchen, not in the bathroom, not even in our own beds most nights. In fact, I can barely move both my arms as I type this, sandwiched between one child who wants a cuddle and another doing her homework.聽
The more we bantered about the ideal getaway, the more carried away we got. He thought a trip to a remote cabin 鈥撀爋r, you know, Vegas 鈥撀爓ith some buddies would do the trick nicely. I was fantasizing about a weekend with the girls, spa treatments and fine wine. It wasn鈥檛 a big leap before we were both sipping Mai Tais on our own respective (and very remote) beaches, without a care in the world.聽
The reality today is that a holiday like that is pretty hard to achieve without some serious family support and a couple of very healthy and regular paycheques. This is particularly true when you are raising three energetic little ones, like my friend and his wife, with no extended family in sight.
The more we brainstormed, the more we realized that getting away wasn鈥檛 necessarily the solution. It wasn鈥檛 so much a change of scenery as it was reconnecting with who we are as individuals 鈥� as adults, beyond being mom or dad.
And, through the course of our discussion, it became apparent that connecting with his wife in the physical realm was just as important to him as having some 鈥渕e鈥� time. Initially, I suggested that they take a trip to an all-inclusive with child minding so they could put the kids in day camp and get up to whatever their little hearts desired during the day, but the $7,000 price tag seemed a bit prohibitive.
So we started to get creative. A little staycation for mom and dad? Surely a friend or family at school might know of a nanny who would be able to watch the kids over a weekend 鈥� maybe even overnight? Was there room in the budget for a couple of local hotel rooms 鈥� one for them and one for the kids?聽
Truth be told, coming up with $500 to $700 for a home-based weekend retreat could be seen as an investment. Spend the cash on some quality time now 鈥� or a marriage counsellor later.
Sure, we think about getting a massage every so often, or going to a yoga class, but self-care isn鈥檛 something often discussed 鈥� never mind overtly encouraged. I dare say it鈥檚 pretty much never uttered amongst most menfolk.聽
Frankly, as parents, we don鈥檛 talk about our needs to fill our gas tanks. But we should. We must. Our ability to give, day after day, is diminished rather quickly when we don鈥檛. It鈥檚 fuel for the heart and mind.聽
The purpose of those fishing trips my partner takes every year isn鈥檛 just to reconnect with old friends. And neither are the periodic overnighters I take in the city sleeping on a friend鈥檚 futon amidst 50 of her daughter鈥檚 stuffies. It doesn鈥檛 matter that they have kids who will wake me up at 7 a.m. The point is, I got to be an adult the night before, and I鈥檓 not responsible for making them breakfast. 聽
And later that day, when I go home to my own kids, I feel a little bit more like myself again. And I鈥檓 able to give that much more 鈥� without exhaustion or resentment, but with joy. It鈥檚 the way I suspect we are supposed to feel more often than not.聽
