Who means more to you 鈥� your friends or your lovers? In a vivid, thoughtful and nuanced collection of essays, Lilly Dancyger explores the powerful role that female friendships played in her chaotic upbringing marked by her parents鈥� heroin use and her father鈥檚 untimely death when she was only 12.
鈥淔irst Love: Essays on Friendship鈥� begins with a beautiful paean to her cousin Sabina, who was raped and murdered at age 20 on her way home from a club. As little kids, their older relatives used to call them Snow White and Rose Red after the Grimm鈥檚 fairy tale, 鈥渢wo sisters who are not rivals or foils, but simply love each other.鈥�
That simple, uncomplicated love would become the template for a series of subsequent relationships with girls and women that helped her survive her self-destructive adolescence and provided unconditional support as she scrambled to create a new identity as a 鈥渉ypercompetent鈥� writer, teacher and editor. 鈥淚t鈥檚 true that I鈥檝e never been satisfied with friendships that stay on the surface. That my friends are my family, my truest beloveds, each relationship a world of its own,鈥� she writes in the title essay 鈥淔irst Love.鈥�
The collection stands out not just for its elegant, unadorned writing but also for the way she effortlessly pivots between personal history and spot-on cultural criticism that both comments on and critiques the way that girls and women have been portrayed 鈥� and have portrayed themselves 鈥� in the media, including on online platforms like Tumblr and Instagram.
For instance, she examines the 1994 Peter Jackson film, 鈥淗eavenly Creatures,鈥� based on the true story of two teenage girls who bludgeoned to death one of their mothers. And in the essay 鈥淪ad Girls,鈥� about the suicide of a close friend, she analyzes the allure of self-destructive figures like Sylvia Plath and Janis Joplin to a certain type of teen, including herself, who wallows in sadness and wants to make sure 鈥渢he world knew we were in pain.鈥�
In the last essay, 鈥淥n Murder Memoirs,鈥� Dancyger considers the runaway popularity of true crime stories as she tries to explain her decision not to attend the trial of the man charged with killing her cousin 鈥� even though she was trained as a journalist and wrote a well-regarded book about her late father that relied on investigative reporting. 鈥淲hen I finally sat down to write about Sabina, the story that came out was not about murder at all,鈥� she says. 鈥淚t was a love story.鈥�
Readers can be thankful that it did.
___
AP book reviews:
Ann Levin, The Associated Press
